The 23 Unwritten Rules of Flying from a Flight Attendant

  We have got the inside scoop on the Unwritten Rules of Flying from international flight attendants that have seen it all. From our experience flying, the best way to have a great flight its to keep the flight attendants happy. Here are some tips to that you should know before flying on your next trip!

 Things to know before you fly on an airplane:

1) Bring your own headphones. No, the new iPhone ones will not work.
2) Go to the bathroom before you board. Yes, you are in the way when you decide to shit during boarding.
3) The first “ding” you hear after takeoff is NOT the pilot letting you know you may get out of your seat.
4) When the seatbelt sign is off (you’ll know because the seat belt sign will go off... duh), keep your seatbelt on anyway unless you are using the restroom. No, that wasn’t a suggestion.
5) If the pilots tell the flight attendants to take their jumpseat mid-flight, no, they will not answer your call light for pretzels or water until they have the okay to get up.
6) No, we will not leave our jumpseat to serve you if the plane is bouncing around like a yo-yo in the clouds.
7) Water is also available at most stores located in the terminal. Yes, you do know if you have medication you need to take before you board or if you have small children/husbands that have sippy cups.
8:) MAIN CABIN DOES NOT HAVE PILLOWS OR BLANKETS MAIN CABIN DOES NOT HAVE PILLOWS OR BLANKETS MAIN CABIN DOES NOT HAVE PILLOWS OR BLANKETS
9) PUSH THE LAV DOOR PUSH THE LAV DOOR PUSH THE LAV DOOR PUSH THE LAV DOOR PUSH THE LAV DOOR
10) No, we cannot get ahold of anyone to hold your connecting flight. Sure, let me just catch a phone signal from 35,000 feet.
11) Middle seat gets arm rests. Don’t argue.
12) KEEP YOUR SHOES ON IF YOU DON’T HAVE SOCKS ON KEEP YOUR SHOES ON IF YOU DON’T HAVE SOCKS ON KEEP YOUR SHOES ON IF YOU DON’T HAVE SOCKS ON
13) Keep your feet off the arm rests and tray tables.
14) That’s not water on the floor in the lav.
15) No, you may not stand, stretch, do crouching tiger hidden dragon yoga moves in the galley.
16) You’ve had a flight already today? I feel so sorry for you. I’ve been up since 02:00 and have already said hello to over 400 people. Goodbye.
17) DO NOT TOUCH ME DO NOT TOUCH ME DO NOT TOUCH ME DO NOT TOUCH ME DO NOT TOUCH ME
18) You knew the cart goes down the aisle. Don’t look at the flight attendants like Satan just crop dusted you because your body part was bumped on the way through.
19) IF YOU GET UP DURING THE SAFETY VIDEO, SO HELP ME GAWD I WILL DUCT TAPE YOU TO YOUR SEAT.
20) There is a menu in your seat back pocket. Please study it instead of asking “What do you have?” Not a lot of time actually.
21) Flight Attendants can’t hear your mouth move. Use your voice when ordering. Anywhere from loud whisper to talking-with-headphones-on volume is encouraged.
22) Take your damn headphones out when asked a question. The freaking nerve.
23) Go to sleep. Sweet dreams.

A big shout out to Ms. S and her fellow flight attendants for all the information!!

                            (click the photo)